I'm gonna love you, like I'm gonna lose you
by lola8789
Summary: Peggy & Daniel are enjoying newlywed bliss after settling down in New York. Daniel is chief of the SSR while Peggy has taken on their specialist unit in charge of new recruits and the foundationsof SHIELD. However their bubble is about to burst with the news that Peggy's first love, Steve Rogers is found alive and well. Everything is about to change...
1. What hurts the most

The air was thick and humid. Typical of a sweltering Summer's night in New York city. The sound of sirens and the raucous hustle bustle of night time endeavors ring through the air. The city that never sleeps. Especially not with the big news that day. It seemed the night was electric now. Helicopters hovered over the city all through the day, like perilous vultures waiting for first glimpse of their prey. Searchlights beaming down. Out on the back deck of a Brooklyn townhouse sat a lone man, gathering his thoughts, the distant hum of city life lost on him. His eyes were cast downwards, swirling a glass of scotch not even paying attention to the bugs dancing around in the bright glow of the porch light above him. Normally on nights like this, when he could leave the stressful office work behind, he would have the wireless on while he lounged back in the chair but that night he felt no joy in listening to sweet floating melody of symphonic jazz. He lifted the glass to his lips and took a slow swig. The sharp taste tingled on his tongue. He held it in his mouth for a second, closed his eyes and swallowed before bowing his head down again. It's been a long day. The gold band on his wedding finger made an echoing clink against the glass. It caught his eye and he stared down at the shiny ring twinkling in the light. A symbol that he paid little or no attention to before but now, well now it meant everything. His world had been shaken this evening when he took that phone call. He closed his eyes once more as he clenched the glass harder to feel the tension of the band against his skin

"Daniel?" a soft voice cut through the air. His heart sank. A voice that would be his saving grace on any other night. He couldn't bring himself to look at her, instead turned his face to the side, his eyes focused on the dark perimeter of the yard. His stomach lurched as he brought himself to speak. "So they found him huh?" he says with no enthusiasm, but trying to sound like the news hadn't affected him. His eyes collectively fell back to the crystal glass clenched in his hand. "Yes" she sighed and slowly moved towards him. Her heels clipping the wooden deck. Each step banging like a drum on his heart. She came to stand beside him, her navy coat hanging from her clasped hands. "Did you see him?" He pursed his lips bracing himself for her reply. "Briefly. He is still adjusting as you can imagine. It can't be easy waking up from a five-year frozen coma" she chuckled softly. He tried his best to give a smile but inside his heart clenched tighter. "It must have been nice to see him again...after all this time" and that's when he felt his heart begin to tear. He finally had his happily ever after and now it was all hanging in the air. "It was. It's a little hard to believe actually" she smiled down at her fumbling hands. And he couldn't even fake a smile. He was just waiting for the crashing blow. "How was work?" she sighs placing her coat and hand bag down beside her. "Oh, you know…same old boring" he musters up enough breath to answer. "Any lead on the Vikander case?" she asked looking at him cautiously. She could tell he was tense. There was an undeniable divide between them. "Daniel? Is everything alright?" She frowned as she placed her hand on his shoulder to give a gentle squeeze. His eyes closed at her touch and he inhaled sharply. "I don't know…. You tell me" he replied softly and turned to look up to her. "Whatever do you mean?" She laughed confused. "Your old boyfriend wakes up from the freezer and well…. I know how close you two were…." he turned away again, taking the final swig from his glass.

"Daniel?" Peggy starts as she sat herself down in the chair beside him. "Are you insinuating that I am still in love with Steve?" she frowned staring at him. "Peg, can you blame me? It's not like you guys broke up. And now he's….and you're… How can I compete with Captain America for Christ's sake" he sighed frustrated, throwing his free hand in the air and slumping it back down on the arm rest. "Why on Earth would you compete with him?" She laughed exasperated. But Daniel doesn't look at her and she sensed his turmoil. He needed reassurance. "Steve was….my first love, yes. And losing him crushed me, I won't deny that" she said matter of fact in her stern London accent, watching as Daniel's jaw tensed. "He may have been my first love" she softly repeated, reaching out with her left hand, she squeezed his. "But he is not my last love" Her diamond engagement ring and wedding band twinkled in the light. His eyes glanced down at her hand on his and he gently squeezed her hand back.

Looking up his eyes catch hers for the first time and the love he had for her flooded his heart. She was his everything. Peggy smiled at him with that dazzling, toothy grin of hers and he couldn't help but return one of his own. She stood up and moved to sit down onto his lap. Her arms wrapped around his neck while his hand slid around to rest on her hip. "You are a Ninny sometimes do you know that?" she chuckled as she leaned in to plant a soft kiss on his lips. "Oh, I am reminded often!" he laughed as he kissed her again. He broke away from their feather light kisses and looked at his beautiful wife, gently pushing a stray hair from her face. "I love you Peg" he utters in an almost whisper, like a secret for just the two of them. She smiled at him, placing one of her hands on his cheek. "I love you more Daniel" and leaned in for another kiss. This time it is more heated. When they finally broke away they were both breathless. "I think we should go inside" Daniel whispers leaning his forehead against hers. "Why is that Mr Sousa?" she coos biting her lip, knowing full well what her husband was alluding to. "Well I don't want the neighbours to see Mrs Sousa in the throes of passion" he cheekily winked smacking her bottom as she feigned shock. "Daniel Sousa!" She opened her mouth wide with mock astonishment. "Come on" he heartily laughed landing a rough kiss on her lips. She hopped off his lap and extended her hand to pull him upwards. He grabbed her waist and pulled her in to him again and kissed her once more. "Daniel!" Peggy laughed as she broke away from his amorous display of affection. "What has gotten into you this evening? You are like a tom cat" she tilted back her head as he nuzzled her neck, nibbling at her delicate skin. "You do it to me honey" he coos. Their lips met again as he began to walk her backwards towards the doorway..


	2. Just give me a reason

Their usual morning commute was marred by the hoards of tourists flocking to the city to get a glimpse of the Frozen Man. Street merchants chanted about t-shirts, hats and various tacky memorabilia while giggling and overly zealous girls with stars in their eyes hurried about whispering and gossiping about the great Captain America. News helicopters zoomed over head while news crews were stationed at every corner waiting for updates. "Unbelievable" Peggy muttered as she clutched Daniel's arm watching a trio of scantily clad women in USO army uniforms brush past. "You can say that again..." Daniel agreed as his eyes followed the beauties over his shoulder. It was met by a sharp jab to his rib cage from his none too impressed wife. "Owww" he scoffed clutching his side. "Mr Sousa, can I remind you, you are a married gentleman?" she raised an eyebrow as her mouth contorted into a disapproving pout. "HAPPILY married gentleman" he cooed back. She couldn't help herself and try as hard as she did, she gave in and chuckled. "Yes well, I could be a widow if you are not careful" she warned playfully. They stood at the corner waiting to cross, Peggy's arm clutching Daniels.

It was then they spotted the huge billboard in front of them. It was an advertisement for the radio stories of the Great Captain America and his blushing damsel in distress Nurse Nancy Carter. A character known to be based loosely on Peggy. "Good God" she grimaced seeing her alter ego wearing a tight short nurses uniform that enhanced her voluptuous curves, being dipped backwards by the heroic Captain who bore the cheesiest grin and cartoon enhanced muscular frame. Her blonde curls cascading down while her left slender leg was raised high. "Have they no shame?" she huffed scathingly, hand on her hip. "It's just the corporate wheel turning. Cashing in on the hot topic today" Daniel tried to ease his wife's angst but he himself was feeling the weight of this day. "I mean, really? As if I would ever truly be that brain dead, waiting to be saved by a man" she flung her hand up in the air and dropped it again in disgust. She began to rant at the audacity for the radio broadcasters to take her name and personality in vein and create a helpless lead female with no ambition or self respect.

Daniel didn't dare interject. It was hard watching Peggy get so worked up about something from her past which connected her to Steve. And there it was. The thoughts of her and Steve reunited and that sinking feeling returned. As much as he knew Peggy loved him, Captain Rogers return was still a hard pill to swallow. "Oh Daniel, I'm sorry" she apologized becoming of aware of her husbands discomfort. "I didn't mean to go on. Forgive me" she bit her bottom lip. "It's ok. I know this is hard for you" he replied with a sigh "And for you" she added quietly, gently squeezing his arm. "What we talked about last night. I meant it. You have absolutely nothing to worry about my darling" she beamed at him, placing a tender kiss on his cheek. "I know" he beamed back at her, wrapping his arm over her shoulder "Come on Nancy" Daniel teased as the lights turned green for them to walk.

Daniel could feel his pulse in his clenched hand as he followed Peggy through the long corridor of the top secret SSR hospital. There was a buzz among the doctors and nurses. Daniel knew exactly what the sheltered conversations and hand over mouth whispers were about. Captain America's girl was here to see him. The star crossed lovers reunited. They stopped at the end of the corridor where a senior doctor greeted them. "Ah good morning Agent Carter" he glowed as he peered up from his flip-board chart in his hand. "Good morning Dr Schenkler. This is Agent Sousa, SSR chief New York division" she introduced him as she normally did. They never highlighted the fact they were married while they were at work. People tended to judge Peggy thinking she slept her way to the top. Far from it. In fact she had been a higher ranking agent than Daniel whilst they served in the army. "How is the patient?" She asked cheerily. "Excellent. In fact better than excellent. His stats are phenomenal. Physically his DNA has excelled to fully recover from his ordeal. No muscle loss, no nerve damage and no organ failures. A remarkable specimen really" he chuffed unable to comprehend the test results on the page. Daniel's jaw clenched. He didn't need to be hit with how fantastic his wife's former love was.

"Can we see him?" she asked diligently. "By all means. He has been asking for you" Dr Schenkler winked. It was times like this Daniel wish she had divulged she was in fact married to him. "I will give you time to speak with him" the doctor smiled as he moved past them and walked down the hall writing feverishly on his clipboard. "Daniel?" Peggy said softly, turning to him. "Do you mind if I have a few minutes to….to speak to him on my own first?" she nervously tugged on her fingers clasped in front of her. Daniel didn't know what to say. He was nodding but inside his head he was screaming no. But how could he tell her he didn't want her to meet him alone? She would accuse him of not trusting her. She knew he was finding this unbearable and she loved that he was not making this more difficult than it already was. She took his hand in hers and gazed into his brown eyes that were tinged with sadness. "Thank you Daniel. You have been so wonderful. How about when this is all done we will go out for dinner tonight, just us?" she smiled. He returned the gesture and smiled back but it didn't reach his eyes. It was tangled with hurt and fear. She turned and disappeared through the double doors leading down the empty corridor to Steve's room.


End file.
